Montreal to Burlington VT for less than $25 (Taxes and Vodka included!)

TAKE A BUS to the metro. When you board the bus try to give the driver the money ($2.75) you have correctly counted out. She will point you to the machine: feed the coins in one as a time, as directed, and the ticket will also work on the metro.

TAKE THE METRO to Bonaventure

TAKE THE 45 BUS from Bonaventure to Panama ($3.25)

WALK towards highway 10. After relieving yourself under the bridge proceed on to the petrol station. There, an asian gentleman will make you realize you’ve gone too far. Walk back to the “on-ramp” and find an appropriate spot to stick out your thumb. You will soon realize that you are in completely the wrong place. Continue standing with your thumb out anyway. When a car stops, pick up your bags and move briskly down the road. The more awkward you are with this, the more kicks the guy gets when he drives off. Change sides of the road, where your first chauffeur will be

A GUY WITH A CHAIR.
He is a nice guy, he don’t speak english so well, he loves it when you try your French on him. He’s on his way back from Montreal where he’s bought a lazy boy. He will drop you off at the onramp of the 35

A CIVIL SERVANT
will take you from there to the border. He symphatises with you because he once waited 30 hours for a lift in Saskatchawan, surviving only on a jar of peanut butter. He will also point you in the direction of the

DUTY FREE Vodka ($12 .95)

“WARNING WARNING US HOMELAND SECURITY!” I jibed as I approached the desk. The officer looked up suddenly, looked around at his colleagues, and then back at my big smile.
“You some kinda wise guy eh?”
“Naa Mate,” I said, “Aussie.”
“You know here in The United States we take the security of our country very seriously indeed, and if you are going to joke about it, well… I’m just gonna be upset that’s all. And when I’m upset, I don’t like letting people into my country.”
“Officer,” I said, “With all due respect, I was only making a little joke, making light, if you will, of the reputation that US Homeland Security enjoys in the world. You know, all the stupid questions. The lack of a sense of humour. You know?” ($6)

A BUSINESSMAN
will introduce you the United States, and show you 20 Miles of the vermont he loves.

A MYSTERIOUS MAN
will pull up at the motorway entrance and say he only has room in the back of his truck. Enjoy the wind in your hair as darkness, like the inevitable approach of winter, like the change of the autumnal leaves, envelopes all, leaving only the blinding headlights trailing behind. The man will drop you off in his frontyard in Burlington South.

A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC DOG (and her owner)
will notice your guitar, and shout, “Bill.” She will give you a lift to your destination in Burlington, even though your name isn’t Bill.

$24.95